When I'm bad I'm even better
by Irrel
Summary: AU Buffy moved to England when she was 9, William and her were best friends, now almost 10 years later she doesnt want to know anything about him, but why? Well, ignoring him wont be easy now that he is going to live in her house!
1. Lets dont wait

When I'm bad I'm even better

Chapter 1: Let's don't wait

Buffy Summers was looking at the blackboard with a blank expression in her face. History. How she hated history… If it wasn't because her teacher was a total hottie she'd get up right now and leave the stupid class. She snorted. Yeah, sure. Like she had the stones to do it…

That last phrase resounded in her mind, childhood memories playing in her brain like movie trailers… and she remembered his voice.

_"You don't have the stones!"_

_"Oh, I sure do! I have a bunch of… stones" her little voice echoed in the small garden._

_"You cant do it, you are too afraid!"_

_"I'm not!"_

_"Prove it" then came the smirk, even at age ten he looked cute with that smirk… or that was how she remembered._

_"Ok… watch and learn." She said in her best I-know-what-I-am-doing voice. She kneeled in the grass and dug in the dirt with her little fingers until she felt something soft and long moving between them, then she pulled lightly and once the worm was out the dirt she showed it to the boy beside her with a proud look._

_"There!" she screamed waving the worm in the air. Both kids looked at each other pausing for a moment…_

_"EW!" they yelled standing at once. The little girl dropped the worm._

"Miss Summers!" her teacher called her, snapping her out of her memories.

"Yes?" she asked startled.

"The answer to the question I just asked…" he said, giving her a look the said 'I am not repeating myself'. Buffy gulped, she had no idea what he was talking about. A taping in the tight caught her attention; Willow had slipped a piece of paper in her desk.

"Ah… London, sir." Her teacher eyed her a couple of second, Buffy felt her face begin to burn.

"Yeah, that's right." The teacher said, starting to talk again about whatever they were studying right now. Buffy sighed and looked at Willow with a huge smile.

"Thank you so much, Will!" she whispered.

"No prob." 

That was weird, she decided, she didn't use to zone out like that… at least not in History, now math, English, Chem, that was totally different. Childhood memories, she hadn't thought about that in a long time and when they came she always tried to repress them, but today… it has been his voice, she could still hear it but now she didn't know if she was making it all up or if she really remembered it. It has been 3 years since the last time she saw him… that's not much, is it? _I should still remember his voice…_

_Stop it, Buffy. Stop it! _She told to herself, she had sworn not to think about him again. It has been 2 years since his last letter… not that she read them, but it was nice to know he still thought about her. She snorted, he probably forgot about me already… I know I forgot about him… yeah, SO over him.

She looked at the blackboard again, her eyes falling in the teacher for a minute before noting what was written in large letters in the board. _London. Oh, give me a break! _She didn't want to think about him, she really didn't. Why has his mother wanted to move to London in the first place? It had been 10 years ago, she didn't really remember. The divorce, yeah, that was the reason, her mother wanted a fresh start after her father decided to leave her for his secretary. _And thanks to him I ended up in England!_ It hasn't been that bad, really. Except for attending to a private school, with uniforms and everything… at least she had little William then. They had met in the airport, his mother, aunt Christina, was a colleague of her mother in the Gallery she was going to work in London, they had spoken by phone before arriving and Christina had found the perfect apartment for them, just a door away from Chris and her son, they were going to live in the same building. 

So there he was, a couple of steps behind his mother, bright blue eyes searching the crowd for those two people that were going to be his new neighbors. He was only 9 years old.

_"Here" he had said, "My ma told me to give you this." It was a little stuffed pig._

_"A pig?" she asked looking at her pink new toy. He shrugged._

_"I thought it was cute."_

_"It is" she smiled, "Thank you." He shrugged again. _

_"You speak funny."_

_"No, you speak funny."_

For three years they had been inseparable, but once William turned 12 and girls started to give him second looks everything changed. They continued to be friends, but it wasn't the same.

_"What happened to your hair?!" Buffy asked surprised by the change._

_"Hum… not much, a little bit of gel and bleach…" he answered looking at his reflection in the mirror._

_"Your mom is going to kill you." She guaranteed. "And what's with the spikes? I liked your curls…" she moved a hand to soften the hair that was screaming for oxygen beneath the layer of gel. _

_"But just because you liked it doesn't mean it will stay that way, now does it, pet?" he told her while removing her hand from his head._

"Buffy?" 

"Yeah?" she asked looking at her friend.

"The bell rang like 2 minutes ago and you are not half way home yet, are you feeling alright?" asked Willow concerned. Buffy laughed halfheartedly.

"Of course… I just thought we were going to El Victori today…" she said, she was looking for an excuse for being lost in her thoughts again, but then she remembered that it was true, they had decided to go to the little Café that afternoon. 

"Oh, yeah… I forgot!" Willow said "is the gang going to meet us there?"

"I think so… I told Xander to tell the others, I hope he doesn't forget."

"Hum… knowing him…" her friend murmured while grabbing her books.

"Let's hope for the best." 

***

They sat in their favorite table, the last table to the left in the balcony, where they could see the people walking in the street and the park. El Victori was a relatively new café and the favorite place for the high school kids to hang out in the afternoon when the Bronze wasn't open yet… and you could drink a marvelous freezing cappuccino. 

"There is Xander!" Willow exclaimed waving at him.

"Will, don't you think he will see us? We sit in this table every time we come here…" Buffy explained in a quiet voice.

"Oh, yeah, right." Her friends said blushing.

"Hello Will, Buffter." 

"Hi, Xander. Where are the other guys?" asked Buffy.

"Why? Counting the seconds to see Aaaaaaaaangel?" her friend teased. Buffy rolled her eyes; somehow she doubted that the teasing about Angel would ever stop. 

Everybody knew that Xander had had a crush on Buffy when she first moved to Sunnydale 3 years ago, but now that was looong over. Xander treated her like his little sister, always protecting her from 'big bads'-as he called them. But the truth was, he liked Angel… but Buffy didn't. Or at least she didn't like him _that _way. True, he was cute and extremely sweet… and being the capital of the basketball team gave him some points, but Buffy just wasn't ready to think in a guy _that_ way… sometimes she doubted she would ever be… maybe she should become a nun…

"Easy, Buff, they are just looking for a parking space for Oz's van." Buffy nodded, and smiled when she saw the huge grin that appeared in Willow's face when she heard the name of her boyfriend.

"Oz is here? I though he had to work today." Willow said, excitement all over her features.

"Nope, that's tonight." Two guys entered the café then, Oz and Angel… they could have been brothers if they didn't look so much different, they had the most expressionless faces Buffy had seen in her whole life, but she could swear she could see something in Oz's eyes every time he was near Willow. And there was definitely something in Angel's smile when he saw Buffy, too.

"Hey, Buffy." Said the brunette. She smiled at him and moved her chair so he could place his chair next to hers.

"Where is Anya?" Willow asked Xander.

"Oh, FBLA meeting." Anya had been Xander's girlfriend for quite a long time now, and they appeared to be doing just fine… or GREAT, if you decided to listen to Anya's comments, but they had slowly learned to ignore them.

A waiter came to take their orders, they ordered the usual, 4 freezing cappuccinos and an orange juice for Willow --she wasn't exactly caffeine-friendly.

"Oh, oh! And how is the song for the contest doing?" asked animatedly Willow, jumping up and down in her seat. She was always like that when it came to the band; she was their biggest fan… or only fan, however you choose to see it.

"Progressing." Said Oz. Buffy rolled her eyes.

"Progressing? We only have the first 2 chords for the chorus!" she yelled.

"Calm down, Buff." Xander stretched his hand to take hers. "We have 2 more months… we'll make it."

"Yeah, and I have been practicing a new routine with drums that could go in the beginning of the act, it will be alright." Angel assured.

"Alright? It can't be alright! It has to be phenomenal."  

"Sure, Buffy." Xander said with a serious voice and mocked concern, like the way you'd talk to a psychotic person.

"Don't mock me, Harris…" the girl said in a dangerous low voice, Xander immediately dropped the girl's hand. 

"So I guess you will be practicing a lot now?" Willow pouted to her boyfriend. Oz squeezed her hand. 

"Yes, the contest is coming closer and closer… and we really don't have nothing yet." Willow pouted again. Buffy knew she felt a little left out sometimes; Xander, Oz and Angel had started a band 4 years ago, they were good… but not that good. They needed a singer, and once they heard Buffy singing in a karaoke night in The Bronze they had made up their minds: Buffy **had** to be the lead singer. She was perfect; she could sing and had all that music-star vibe going on. But it had taken a lot of convincing before she agreed to sing in public. Now they usually played in the Bronze when there wasn't other band available. 

They had started to try to make their own songs a year ago, 'try' being to keyword. Xander had seen an ad for an intrastate band contest and had decided to inscribe the band… the other members of the group had tried to kill him after that, they didn't have a song and they were not going to make a fool of themselves in front of the whole state. But after a lot of begging by Xander's part and a lot of support by Willow they decided to give it a go. Of course they still blamed Xander for it.

***

Two cappuccinos and 3 hours later, Buffy was back home, she knew her mom was not going to be home just yet, so she watched TV for a while. Surfing the channels she reached to the conclusion that something was really wrong with the TV:

_"…was born in England in 1789…"_

_"…while I was backpacking through Europe…"_

_"…was a style that began in London in the first years of the…"_

_"…Stonehenge in southeastern England…"_

_"…a video from the new British band…"_

Buffy turned the TV off. _What's with the foreshadowing? _She thought… _something is going to happen._

Just then her mother entered the room carrying 2 bags full of groceries and a huge smile.

"Hi, mom."

"Buffy, you wont believe who called me today!" Joyce said entering the kitchen to leave the groceries in the counter. Buffy felt her heart skip a beat.

"A-aunt Chris?" she asked fearing the answer, she got up from the couch and walked to the kitchen.

"How did you know?" asked her mother facing Buffy. _Oh my God._

"Lucky guess." She explained faking a smile.

"Lucky guess." Her mother agreed, going back to the groceries. "But you wont believe what she told me." _Oh my God_ was all Buffy could think. And her mother, without waiting for a response, continued. "They are coming." _Oh no _"Here! To Sunnydale!" _Oh my… _"Christina is having money problems and Will almost failed the year, so she decided to have a fresh start… you know, like we did." Joyce looked at her daughter, Buffy just nodded.  "They are going to live with us for a while." _WHAT?!_

"With us?!" her mother nodded. "B-but… why?!" 

"They haven't found a house yet, so while they are on it I thought we could let them use the guest room. They helped us so much when we were in England." Joyce stopped placing the groceries in the fridge to face her daughter. "I thought you were going to be happy… I now how much you missed Willy."

"I-I am…" she said forcing a smile, trying to process the information. The last person in the world that she wanted to see again was going to be living in her house for God knows how long… and she was supposed to be happy! But it wasn't her mom's fault… she didn't know. Nobody knew. "What did Giles said about it?" There! That was her only hope. Good ol' daddy Giles.

"He is more than thrilled about it!" _Damn. I think I am going to be sick._

***

Her mom and Giles had gotten married 6 years after they got to England; they had met in an exposition in the Gallery her mother worked in. At fist Buffy had been reluctant to accept him, in her mind her mom was only hers and the last parental figure she had had wasn't the best; but she soon learned to love him like a father, now she couldn't imagine her life without him. They had decided to go back to live in the US a year after their marriage, Buffy was 15.

Buffy pressed her face against the pillow, wondering if it will be enough to kill herself, but at the last minute she sat up in the bed. This was ridiculous! Spike couldn't just walk in her life again, he was dead, so dead to her… her eyes moved to her open closet, she could almost see the little green box that guarded one of his letter, his last letter. She hadn't read it, she hadn't read any of his letters and she hadn't written him back. She just kept one, somehow knowing that it was going to be the last; she had burned the first 4 afraid that she would read them if she didn't. Why had she done it? Why had she burned them? Because she knew what it was written in them "You have it wrong, Buffy. You have it all wrong…"

The phone in Buffy's bedside table rang; she picked it up after the first ring.

"Hello."

"Hi, Buffy!"

"Hey, Willow." She said in a depressing voice.

"Hum, drama much?" Buffy chuckled.

"You don't have idea…"

"What happened?" asked her friend concerned.

"He is coming…"

"Who?" now Willow was confused.

"Spike… remember a told you about him?"

"Oh, yeah! Your friend from England. What do you mean 'he is coming'?" 

"He is coming here, Sunnydale… with his mom, they are going to live in my house for Pete's sake!" Buffy shrieked.

"Calm down, Buffy…" Willow said in a quiet voice. "What's so wrong about that? Except for the sharing the bathroom with 2 other people."

"Sorry about that." Buffy told her. "It's just that… is a little complicated, can we talk about it tomorrow at school? I think dinner is ready."

"Of course, Buffy. Just calm down, ok? It can't be that bad." Buffy could almost 'hear' Willow's reassuring smile.

"Yeah… thanks, bye."

"Bye"

***

Dinner was torture; her mother just couldn't stop talking about their 'wonderful time' in England, or about how cute Buffy and William had been together, or how handsome William would be now. Buffy had to use all her self-control not to rip off her own ears and throw them at her mom. Even Giles was participating actively in the conversation, only Buffy was looking at her dinner with murderer eyes.

"Something the problem, Buffy?" Giles asked when he saw her playing with her knife.

"Ah… nah. Just… not hungry." She said leaving the knife in the table.

"Aren't you excited, hon?" her mother intervened. 

"Oh, yeah, delighted." Sarcasm all over the sentence, but her mother didn't notice.

"I am glad." 

***

"In a week, they are going to be here in A WEEK." Buffy yelled, her eyes as big as plates. Willow watched her from the other side of the table, quietly eating lunch; she knew Buffy long enough to know when to keep her mouth shut and wait until her friend emptied her mind of murderer thoughts. After Buffy stopped playing with her knife, she started:

"How old is he anyways?"

"18… and 3 months." _Hum, exact date. Interesting. _Willow thought.

"Is he going to study here or did he graduate already?"

"He is going to study his senior year here… with us. In this school. Maybe he will eat in the same lunch break… maybe he will seat next to us!… oh God."

"Hum… siblings?"

"None."

"Parents?"

"Divorced."

"Eyes?"

"Blue."

"Interesting…" Willow murmured, giving her friend a dubious look.

"What?" Buffy snapped.

"He wasn't just a friend, was he?" Willow asked raising an eyebrow.

"What do you mean?" asked Buffy blushing.

"He was your best friend! You knew each other for… what? 7 years?" Buffy looked embarrassed at her lunch. "Why have you never told me about him?"

"It is not really something I like to talk about…" The blond shrugged. 

"Why?" asked her best friend while licking the little pot that had contained tapioca pudding. 

"He hurt me, ok? We were the best friends in the world until he just became to 'cool' to hang out with me. He started dating and all… and I suddenly didn't matter anymore."

"Well, Buffy, people change…" Willow started to say, but her friend didn't let her finish.

"I don't give a damn, he better not try to hang out with me or anything because I will not be 'friendly little Buffy' anymore!" Her friend just gave her a little knowingly smile.

***

Before Buffy could catch her breath or at least buy bus tickets to get the hell out of the state, the day came. All the week had been spent in cleaning up the guest room, cleaning up the bathroom, buying groceries, etc. And now, here she was, standing in front of the door, waiting for her mother, aunt and ex-best friend to get out of the car and enter the house.

The door banged open suddenly and there he was, carrying 3 huge bags, the guy with the most gorgeous blue eyes.

Memories flooded her brain; it was like the dam that was repressing them abruptly broke, making her remember what she had tried to forget. What had he done to her… what she had let him do…

"I don't want to go…" she sobbed in his T-shirt. It was late at night and in only 5 hours she will be in a plane, back to California. "I don't want to go…" 

"Hush…" he whispered in her hair. Caressing her cheek with his thumb. They had been like this for at least an hour now. He was surprised when he saw her tapping in his window, it had been ages since the last time she entered his room, but soon everything seemed perfect again, like it has always been… She was in her arms sobbing like a little girl, and he didn't feel like he was 15 anymore. 

_"Please don't let them take me away." She whispered._

_"I cant…" he responded. She started crying again, and he rocked their bodies to make her stop… slowly her sobs calmed down; maybe she was sleeping. The memories of the last couple of years came to him… the way he had pushed her away, always thinking that he had better things to do than to be with her, thinking she will always be there. She was going now, and he couldn't help but think that all this years he had had it all wrong. Always trying to treat her like his little sister, always trying to protect her and always trying to push her away when she was every time closer and closer. Why do you have to start valuing the things that are not longer going to be with you? Her hair, he was going to miss her hair… and that little nose… and those huge green eyes… and the way she put her hands in her hips every time she thought she was right and he was wrong. And of course, the way she pouted when he hurt her… That lip. And to think that he had never kissed her!_

_Buffy sniffed slightly against his T-shirt; it felt good to be in his arms like that, even if it was the last time. How he was going to miss him… even when he had hurt her so much lately… He had a way of doing all seem fine when he put his arms around her. He whispered her name, and she could picture his lips moving even thought she wasn't looking at him, she had memorized those lips years ago, the way he pressed them together when he was confused, or the way he moved his tongue between his teeth when he made fun of something… And to think that she had never kissed him…_

_"Buffy…" this time she looked up at him, like excepting him to do something or to say something. He looked at her. Whipped her tears with his thumbs and murmured "I love you."  Did he mean a brother-sister love? She didn't know. Did he mean a friend-friend kind of love? He didn't know. And before either of them could think in an explanation for the words just spoken they were kissing, softly at first, not really realizing what they were doing. Then, Spike started to give her little butterfly kisses all over her face, kissing every one of her tears away, but before he could finish Buffy grabbed his face in her hands and pulled him in a hungry kiss. He didn't protest, in fact, he liked it. _

_It was her first real kiss, but it wasn't his first. He used his tongue to make her open her mouth, deepening the kiss even more. She moaned against his lips, suddenly very aware of how close they were, but she didn't care, if this was going to be their last night it might as well be very special. Her hands reached the hem of his black T-shirt and she rested her hands against his stomach, fascinated by how soft it felt. _

_The feeling of her little hands almost made him crazy, and before he knew it, he had her crushed against the mattress. She didn't protest, so he started caress her hips, going up and down her waist. He broke the kiss so he could taste her neck, making her whimper with delight._

_None of them really stopped to think, it was fast and messy, but full of the feeling neither of them could speak aloud, at the end she rested her head in his chest while he played with her hair, the realization of what they had done slowly sinking in, she sat up in the bed, covering her breasts with the blanket. _

_She knew she had had feeling for him for a long time now… but did he have feelings for her? Beside the whole brotherly love thing… did he felt something? Did he felt something when he was kissing her? Why didn't he stop? Did he just use her…? _

_Her accusative look was what brought him back to earth… what had he done? What had she made him do? What had she made him feel…why had her made him feel just hours before leaving his life for good? "Get out." But even before he said it she had started to pick her things up, and once she was fully clothed she exited the room, using the door this time. _

_Later that day, in her seat in the plane, she replayed that moment in her mind. She was ashamed, how could she do that? And she felt hurt, how could he let me do it?_

_He didn't go to the airport to say goodbye, and she didn't care._

"Well, well, well. Isn't that little Buffy?" 

********************************************

That's the end of the first chapter, how do you like it? Heh… I cant believe I wrote a sex scene (even if it wasn't that graphic) *blushes* that's what I do for you, my dear readers! Lol, so please review so I know if I should continue this story!

BTW, I know nothing about music, so bear with me when it comes to the band…

Irrel


	2. Remembering is forbidden

Ok… you know what? I had never in my life gotten 12 reviews in the same day… and my smile just keep getting bigger and bigger! 

But I am confused, how bad is my grammar? Maybe I should get a beta… u_u

And thanks Dee, for your comments, you wrote The Girl Next Door, didn't you? I love that story so much!! (And of course, Crushed, too) Would you really go over my story? Heh, sometime I don't know if what I am writing is right… anyways! On with the fic:

When I am bad I am even better

Chapter 2: Remembering is forbidden

It was hard… seeing it again. The look, I mean. That same look in her face, just like the last time I saw her, looking up at me like it was all my fault… I didn't chose to feel that way about her, you know? All those years fighting it because 'she was supposed to be my little sister'…

_"You are going to take care of her, Will." It was his mother's voice. "She doesn't have anybody else…"_

_"Look what you did to her, Willy." Her voice again. "You made her cry."_

_"Now kiss and make up." Yeah, I kissed her alright._

_All those years fighting it…just to make it blow up in my face the last bloody night I spend with her. But the past is in the past. I got over her… it took me a million tequila shots and God know how many smokes, but I got over the little bitch. _

_How dare she look at me like that, she was there too! It was her fault… _

"Move your arse, Willy." A tired voice said from behind Spike, immediately he moved the bags he had been carrying to the living room, without another look in Buffy's direction.

"Aunt Chris!" Buffy ran to the woman and captured her in a big hug.

"Jesus, Buff! You are lot taller… and stronger." Christina said missing the oxygen.

"Sorry." Said Buffy. "So how was your flight?"

"Incredibly long" she sighed and then addressed her son. "There is two more bags in the car, Will. I don't think Joyce will be able to carry them." Spike went out of the house without a word. "Hum, he is a little cranky today." Buffy shrugged, she didn't care… could a car run over him while he was in the street? Please?

"Come here, Aunt Chris, I'll make you a nice tea." Said the girl taking her hand and guiding the woman to the kitchen.

"Thanks, darling."

**

"When is Will going to start school?" asked Joyce during dinner. Chris, who was sitting next to Buffy, took a sip of her water before answering.

"Tomorrow. I don't want him missing more school days, we are in October now, he has missed more than a month already. I spoke to the Principal today and he told me William can go register in the morning." The woman explained looking gravelly at her son. "I hope your grades improve this year, William. Don't disappoint me." Spike looked down at his plate, fascinated by the mashes potatoes.

"Don't worry, Chris. I am sure the change will do him good." Buffy's mother guaranteed smiling. "And if he is having trouble Buffy can help him." The girl looked at her mother startled, opening her mouth to say something; but she closed it again thinking it was not worth been yelled at. She pouted in self-pity and her eyes fell on Spike, who was grinning at her. Buffy stuck her tongue at him, careful not to be seen by anybody else in the table; and he mirrored her childish act.

**

After dinner Buffy ran to her room and, without bothering to close the door, threw herself in the bed. With one hand she reached for the stuffed pig that had fallen on the floor and hugged it tightly. Why did he have to be back? 

"Is that Mr. Gordo?" For just 2 seconds that voice transported her back to England again, memories of trying to protect her favorite toy from Spike floated in her brain… he was so annoying when he was young…

"It's mine! Give it back!" Buffy whined.

_"Catch me if you can!" said Spike and started to run around the table with the girl following short behind._

_"You are going to break it!" she whimpered._

_"That's the plan!" He went around the table once more, but the girl wasn't following him anymore; she was sitting on the floor, eyes full of tears. "Don't cry." He handed her the pig and she held it tight. "I'm sorry."_

"What are you doing here?" she snapped at Spike.

"Doing a tour around the house… apparently alone because nobody offered." He said walking around the room, looking at every detail. The walls were green… she'd always liked green. She had pictures of her new friends –or that's who Spike thought they were- in her mirror… but not a single photo of him.

"Get out of here!" The blond girl demanded with an icy voice.

"Is that Mr. Gordo?" he asked again, not impressed at all with her unkind tone.

"Yes." She answered holding the pig firmly.

"I didn't know you still had it." He was standing at the foot of her bed now, looking curiously at the toy, like he was trying to remember all the poor pig had gone through. Buffy looked at his head tilt. _I hate it when he does that._

"Well… it means a lot to me." An awkward silence followed. Buffy looked at the floor, feeling more uncomfortable with every passing second. His eyes burning her skin made her remember again…she could almost feel his hands touching her just like that last night… "Get out, please." This time he did just that.

**

Early the next morning they were both sitting in the car, Buffy's mom was driving them to school.

"We could take the bus, you know." Buffy said from the back seat. Her mother hadn't let her sit in the front of the car.

"I think this way is faster." Was her mother's response.

"I can't believe you are 18 and you don't drive." Spike commented while looking through his window, he could almost feel Buffy's eyes making holes in the back of his skull. _Touchy subject, eh pet?_

"Believe me, William, it's much better for everyone of us if she doesn't try to drive… ever again." 

"Mom!" The girl whined. Spike chuckled.

**

Buffy sat in the cafeteria with Willow, Xander and Anya by her side, it had been a very slow day, the thrill of the first weeks of school had finally ran off and now everybody seemed to be occupied in their owns depressive thoughts. 

"So… Did Spike arrive yet?" Her best friend asked. Buffy let out a painful sigh.

"Yeah…"

"Uh, so much for the excitement." Xander added with a mouth full of green beans.

"Swallow your food, Xan, nobody wants to see that." Anya said in a calm voice. "So… is he even hot?"

"Anya!" Buffy complained. "I am NOT having this conversation again…"

"What conversation?" asked a voice from behind her. 

"No way!" Buffy yelled jumping out of her seat and took the schedule out of Spike's hand. "B lunch! You can't have B lunch, that's my lunch…"

"Hum, Buff, I think he CAN, unless there is a rule against it… which I doubt." Xander commented without acknowledging Buffy's murdered look. 

"Uff, at least we don't have classes together." Buffy said after reading Spike's schedule and passing it to him.

"Yeah, yeah, I love you too." Spike added sarcastically, which made Buffy almost choke with a piece of chicken she had just put in her mouth. Willow looked at him nervously.

"So… Spike, right?" asked the redhead. He nodded.

"So Goldilocks here has been talking about me? How sweet of her…" He added with another demonstration of his sarcasm, the blond took a sip of her milk furiously.

"Eh… yeah. Come sit here." Willow smiled nervously and showed him a space in front of her and next to Buffy. "Hi, I'm Willow." She said politely. 

"A redhead willow, eh? How strange…" Xander snorted at his comment but Willow ignored him.

"This is Xander and Anya."  They greeted him with big smiles, Anya's bigger than Xander's. They were in silence for a couple of minutes before Anya decided to intervene.

"So… not only hot but amazingly lickeable." She said to Buffy. Willow couldn't help but to laugh at that. Spike looked at Buffy's red face and chuckled.

"Eh, Anya, Hello? Boyfriend here…" said Xander while rising his hand to ask for attention. "We talked about this, remember? Not flirting when I'm in the same table."

"Sorry. You are cute, too." His girlfriend said patting him in the head. "There." The boy rolled his eyes.

"Hi" Angel said reaching the table, a bottle of Pepsi in his hand. "Did I miss something?" he then noticed the blond sitting next to Buffy. "Obviously."

"Hey, Angel" Buffy greeted him, making room for him in the other side of the bench. Spike snorted. _What kind of name is 'Angel'? _He thought. "This-" she said looking at Spike "is Spike, I told you about him…"

"Oh yeah" he said shaking the boy's hand. "The guy from England, right?" The blond boy looked at him with an ice-cold look. _The guy from England._ Spike mocked Angel in his mind. _I am way more than the 'guy from England,' mate. _He then realized that Angel's hand was in Buffy's shoulder. _And what's with the touching?_

"Is that your lunch?" Buffy asked to his brunette friend. 

"Not hungry." Answered Angel rising his bottle of Pepsi. Spike shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"So… what do you do for fun around here?" The British guy asked trying to make conversation.

"Well… there is The Bronze, a night club not far from here. And there is El Victori a Coffee Shop a few block away, we usually go there after school." Willow explained. "If you want you can come with us today." She added politely, Spike smiled at her.

"I'd love to."

"BUT-" jumped in Buffy. "We CANT… we have a meeting, REMENBER? With the band…?" she asked, practically begging to her friends to lie for her.

"No, we don---" started to say Angel, only to be rudely interrupted by Buffy's elbow.

"Ah, yeah, the MEETING." Said Xander nodding vigorously in agreement. 

"We have so much to rehearse, I don't know if we are ever going to get out of that garage… I mean with the song so incomplete and the contest coming and everything…" _Well, that wasn't a lie, _Buffy thought, _we are way behind._

"Did you say 'band'?" Spike asked incredulously. 

"Yep, band. I am in a band. We are a band." Buffy answered shyly. Ok, at first she hadn't wanted to tell Spike about the band thing, but it had come out in a moment of desperation, the last thing she wanted was to spend the afternoon with the irritating bleach-boy; but now she knew what was going to follow… him making fun of her! She had never been so sure she could actually sing, despite of what other people told her, but she knew for a fact that Spike COULD sing.

"And what do you do? … No, let me guess… you play the triangle." He said smirking. 

"For your information, I am the lead singer." Buffy said proudly. 

"Whatever you say, luv… I'll just have to see that…" Buffy? Singing? He laughed to himself, now that was something he couldn't picture.

"You can go to the rehearsal if you want." Willow said before Buffy could send her the 'you invite him and I'll kill you' signal.

"That's a great idea, Red." Willow looked at him funny after hearing her new nickname. "I'll be there." Buffy banged her head against the table. _Just my luck…_ "What is the name of the band anyway?"

"Full Circle." Xander answered before introducing to his mouth a spoonful of chocolate pudding.

"Full Circle?" Spike asked, where had he heard that before?

"Yeah, you know, like that Aerosmith song?" Buffy explained and then sang a little bit of the song. "_Time, don't let it slip away. Raise yo' drinkin' glass. Here's to yesterday. In Time, we're all gonna trip away. Don't piss Heaven off, we got Hell to pay. Come Full Circle_" Realizing that she was SINGING in front of Spike, she shut her mouth rapidly. OK… he had been wrong about that, _she CAN sing,_ thought Spike, asking to himself what other things he didn't know about her… had she really changed that much? Apart from the half inch or so of height and the …oh-so-notable development of her feminine charms.

"I didn't know you liked Aerosmith." Spike commented, he well remember her yelling when he turned the radio too loud, and Aerosmith was one of his favorite bands.

"I didn't…" she said blushing, remembering, too, how much she used to hate that band. "But Xander likes them… he was the one who proposed that name, and it was way better than 'Dingoes ate my babies', so we decided to name it like that."

"I liked Dingoes…" Willow said pouting.

"Only because Oz proposed that name…" Xander added rolling his eyes.

"Well, yeah, I have to support him." The redhead pouted again. "He is my baby." The entire table rolled their eyes now.

**

"And what's with you?" Willow asked to the blond. Lunch was long over and now they were in History, the only class they had together. Buffy had been acting noticeable weird after her 'reunion' with Spike, she was really clumsy –or more than usual- and unbelievably quiet.

"Nothing." She answered flashing a charming smile and bending to lift the book that she had dropped when they reached their seats.

"Drop the act." Her friend advised. "I know something is bothering you."

"It's not 'something' is 'someone'." Buffy sighed and started combing her hair with her fingers.

"Spike…" Willow said knowingly "I don't get it… what is not to love? Is it the blue eyes? Or maybe the bad-boy vibe? Or… I know, the take-me-now kind of body?"

"Willow!" Buffy yelled not believing her ears. "What'd Oz think if he caught you talking like that?" she joked.

"That an alien kidnapped my body?" Willow added following the joke. "Come on, Buffy… what is the problem with Spike? And if you say it's the bleached hair I completely understand your point." Buffy ignored the comment about the hair and went on.

"It's just… complicated, Will. And it's even weirder calling you 'Will' now that the _other_ Will is here." She added to herself.

"What kind of complicated? The I-think-I-like-him-but-he-doesn't kind of complicated?" asked the redhead, looking for a confession.

"Noo, Will." The blond shook her head. "It's WAY more complicated than that, believe me."

"Are you EVER going to tell me?" her friend whined. 

"Maybe… yeah, I promise. Just not today." Buffy assured. 

"Everything? Including the not-so-pretty details?" Willow pressed, her imagination running wild, but even then she was far from the truth.

"…details?" asked the blond absentmindedly.

She panted against his chest, sweat coming down her forehead making difficult to see, but she could still see his eyes, they were closed and his mouth was open in a silent scream. She ran her fingers along his neck… so soft…

"Details… sure."

**

Did she think her worst nightmare was to stand on the stage and forget the lyrics of the stupid songs? No, her worst nightmare was to stand in front of her former best friend and forget the damn lyrics… 

Calm down, Buffy… it's only Spike… it's only your ex-best friend who happens to know a lot about singing… I mean, he used to go to the bands rehearsals and complain about everything he saw and heard, he thinks he know everything… he know everything! He was the stupid teacher pet… that music teacher never liked me…

"Ready, Buff?" Xander asked her, she nodded. Why am I nodding? I am not ready! Then she heard Oz playing the first chords in his guitar. And before she knew it she was starting to sing… and before she knew it she was stopping.

"Wait, wait." It was Spike, he was shaking his head and looking at her in disapproval. "You can do so much better than that, pet. That was horrible." 

"And where do you think you are, mister?" Buffy snapped. "American Idol? You can't come here and tell me I'm doing it wrong!"

"Oh, yes I can." The three other members of the band and Willow looked at each other and backed away, they didn't want to be in middle of the fight that was coming. "Just do it again, and this time FEEL it."

"Nuhuh! If you think YOU can do it better why don't YOU do it?" she threatened. 

"I'll tell you what…" he said with a smirk. "We'll do it at the same time." He waited for a second; the eyes of every one in the small garage fell on Buffy.

"Ok…" Spike jumped to the little stage in the back of the garage, and grabbed the second microphone. All the others band members resumed their positions, a little disappointed that they hadn't seen a real confrontation. 

The music started and Spike closed his eyes, trying to remember the lyrics, it was an old Aerosmith song. Now that he thought about it, the band seemed to like Aerosmith a little too much.

I'm down a one-way street

With a one night stand, he started, those first words a little too familiar for his liking.

With a one track mind

Out in no man's land

The punishment sometimes 

Don't seem to fit the crime

Yeah there's a hole in my soul

But one thing I've learned

For every love letter written

There's another one burned, he could swear he saw Buffy wince after that. Why isn't she singing? "Come on, Goldilocks." 

So you tell me how it's gonna be this time

Buffy took a huge mouthful of air and started singing with all she had.

Is it over?

Is it over?

'Cause I'm blowin' out the flame

Take a walk outside your mind

Tell me how it feels to be

The one who turns 

The knife inside of me, they were looking intensely at each other when they reached to this verse, none of them could control the memories that took over their minds.

"Buffy" he gasped against her hair, pleading her to hurt him just a little bit more.

"Faster…" she whimpered.

Take a look and you will find 

There's nothing there, girl

Yeah I swear, I'm telling you, girl yeah 'cause

There's a Hole In My Soul 

That's been killing me forever

It's a place where a garden never grows, they were practically drinking themselves with their eyes, they even forgot for a minute where they were, who they were with…

There's a Hole In My Soul

Yeah, I should have known better

'Cause your love's like a thorn without a rose

Yeah, yeah 

The music stopped and Buffy looked away from him, staring at her feet. She became conscious of how quiet it was, no one was saying a word, they were looking mutely at the two singers. Finally Willow said the words that nobody dared to speak:

"Wow… that was… wow." Xander followed:

"Man, Spike, that was awesome." He said shaking his hand in approval. 

"You know what? We really need all the help we can get." Oz said. "What do you think about joining the band?" Willow nodded in agreement, looking at the blond.

"But… what about me?" Buffy asked in a whisper.

"Of course you too, Buff!" Xander reached her and gave her a friendly hug. "You two make a great duo… you should listen to you sing together… wow." 

"So, what do you say, man?" Oz asked with his usual neutral tone. Spike shrugged and answered with a smile.

"Well, it wont hurt to try…"

"No!" everybody looked at Buffy astonished. "There is no way he is going to be in this band." She said giving them with a menacing look. 

"But Buff… we need him." Xander tried to explain, the girl looked at her friends for support, but even Angel was looking at her like she had just grown a second head. She gave an exasperated growl and stormed out of the garage. Willow was starting to run after Buffy but Spike stopped her.

"No, I'll go."

"But-" started the redhead but Spike was long gone. "She is MY best friend." She pouted.

**

"Buffy! Wait!" Spike ran after her, she wasn't far away, just a couple of meters. ((Yeah, yeah, meters, feet, whatever))

"Why are you following me? Willow's supposed to come after me, we'd have a fluffy girl-to-girl talk and then everything would be ok again." The girl babbled, nervously playing with her hands.

"Well, sorry, pet. But this doesn't work like that anymore." He said and moved close to her but she stepped back.

"What? You think you can come here and mess up my life?" Buffy yelled angrily at him, forgetting about not wanting to be close to him and moving forward.

"That was the plan…" he said shrugging and pressing his lip together.

"You are NOT taking my friends away from me." She warned; he looked at her in disbelief.

"I'm not going to do that…" he said with a sincere tone and a confused face. She raised her hands in the air and sighed, feeling annoyed. She started to pace around in front of him.

"You don't even understand what you are doing, do you?" she laughed lazily. "It was always like this. Always! You knew I didn't have friends and when I tried to be with YOUR friends you pushed me away… like they were too good to be with ME. Now I have friends and you want to take them away from me!  Now tell me why should I let you play with my friends if you never let me play with yours?"

"Maybe because we are not 12 anymore?" he asked, sarcasm was his better option. She had never confronted him about that little detail… she had never had friends when she was in England because he had made sure nobody got close to her… _But you are the one that doesn't understand, you couldn't be with them because you were supposed to be only MINE. YOU were too good for THEM, luv. _He sighed a little infuriated with himself… he had been so selfish when it came to her, never realizing how much he hurt her… "I am not going to do that anymore." He said finally to himself, but loud enough for her to hear.

They looked at each other fervently without saying a word, Willow appeared then…

"We are going… do you guys need a ride?" Buffy turned to her and smiled. Spike continued to look at the spot where the blond had been standing even when she started walking toward Willow.

"If you don't want me to be in the band I wont." He said lastly; and he turned around to face the two friends. Buffy sighed and looked at Willow, she just gave her a pleading smile.

"You can be in the stupid band…"

**

"I never thought I would be in a band… especially with YOU." Spike said in his usual annoying way. He threw himself at the couch where Buffy was sitting on watching TV and let out a tired sigh while laying his head in the girl's lap.

"Hey, hey." Buffy exclaimed, slapping his forehead with her hand until he took his head out of her lap. "What do you think you are doing?" He shrugged and sat up in the couch next to her.

"It didn't use to bother you before." He said rising an eyebrow. 

"You said it, BEFORE." The girl explained with a low voice. "Now is now. And now is different."

"And why is that, pet?" he asked moving close to her, his breath hot tickled her nose and she couldn't bear to keep her eyes open anymore. Spike looked at her closed eyes and smirked.

"We are leaving in 2 minutes, Willy!" his mom yelled from the kitchen. He instantly moved to the other edge of the couch and let his head hang in defeat.

"I can't believe I am going shopping with my mother…" he said under his breath.

"Oh, don't worry" Buffy said sarcastically, patting his head in mocked support. "I am sure she'll find you some nice yellow pants to wear when we play in The Bronze… tomorrow." He watched her leave the living room with his eyes as big as they could get. _Yellow?… TOMORROW?_

"Bloody Hell…"

**

Buffy rocked herself tiredly in the couch, she couldn't even remember what she was watching… some documentary about ants, maybe. She had come back down when Spike left, she knew he was playing with her; moving close to her, almost touching but not really… whispering and letting his not breath caress her cheek… what was he playing at? She had to admit it was exciting in some way, he had never, absolutely never, acted like that in front of her, had he changed that much? _Did I break him?_ She questioned feeling confused. That last night in England… she hadn't seen him act THAT way either, ever, and she had to admit it felt good for a while… until suddenly everything stopped and she was back in earth, in her best friend's room. Naked. 

She wondered if she was ever going to have the guts to tell Willow about what happened; but one thing she knew for sure, her friend was going to be VERY surprised. She let out a chuckle. _Not the Miss Buffy Innocence everyone thought I was…_

The phone rang and she jumped out of the couch, maybe that was Willow right now… not that Buffy was going to tell her anything.  The blond ran to the kitchen telephone to answer.

"I'll get it!" she said to no one in particular, she was alone. "Hello?"

"Hello" an annoying voice with a British accent greeted her. "Is Spike there?"

"No… he went out. May I ask who is speaking?" she asked to the person in the other line, even though she KNEW who it was…

"Drusilla."

"Oh, Dru… hi." She said nervously.

"Buffy, right?" she asked without much interest to know the answer. 

"Yes…"

"Tell Spike I called." And without any further words she hung up. 

"Did she just hang up on me?" Buffy asked out loud.

**************************************

Did you know pudin in Spanish is pudding in English? I didn't … lol.

Anyway, writing in American English is difficult enough, now I have to write in British English for Spike, just my luck…

Well… this is going somewhere, I swear! Reviewwwwww


	3. NOTE

Note!:  
  
I am sorry for the delay, but I just moved, I am an exchange student and I just moved from one host family to another. I don't know how long Ill be staying here, but until then I don't think I will be able to write anything =(  
  
Just wait. please =)  
  
Irrel 


	4. Out of my mind

Thanks for all your support, it's really the only thing that keeps me going... usually I get tired of a story quickly... lets hope that doesn't happen =P 

Delirium (I hope I got that right) thanks for your comments, I still don't feel that confident about trying to write in British English, though... it's so hard! I think my head is gonna explode... 

Heh, ok.... Lets begin...

When I am bad I am even better

Chapter 3: Out of my mind

Buffy walked tirelessly back and forth in her room, if she didn't know better she would think she was jealous. But she knew she wasn't, because she couldn't. Because she had decided to forget about him after that last night. Yeah, that had been the closure to something that never really existed. 

But still, she couldn't believe Spike hadn't told her about Drusilla, were they still dating? That was ridiculous! He had started to date Dru 6 months before Buffy left England... in fact they were still dating when Buffy and Spike... _Oh, my God, I was the other woman._ Buffy thought startled, but then she smirked... _No, I was the **first** woman._ She couldn't help but to feel good about that little detail, she had been his first, just as he had been her first. _But how many times has he done 'it' after me? And with who? _She shuddered thinking in Spike and Drusilla together. That was just gross.

She heard the front door open suddenly, they were home, and she had to talk to Spike. Tired steps going up the stairs could be heard in her bedroom; she peered in to the hall, her door barely open. Spike was coming, dragging a bag full of clothes after him. He was murmuring something about psychotic mothers and sense of fashion. She grabbed him by his T-Shirt and brought the bleached boy into her room.

"Drusilla called." She said, trying to look cool about it.

"Oh, yeah?" he asked feeling a little taken aback. "You drag me to your room to tell me that?"

"Are you still dating her?" she asked, believing that the straightforward way will be easier.

"Apparently yes... we have been dating on and off this last 3 years. 'Can't say we have been 'exclusive'." _Ok. _Buffy thought, _at least he is honest about it._ "Why so interested, pet?" he moved toward her, leaving the bag of clothes behind; but before he could reach her, she raising her hand to stop him.

"Does she know?" she asked finally, feeling the blood focusing in her cheeks.

"Know what?" he said confused, Buffy gave him a serious look and arched an eyebrow. A flash of white skin, golden hair and green eyes appeared in his brain. "No" he answered with a neutral tone of voice.

"Good." She nodded and dropped her hand; he started to move toward her again.

"Why do you ask?" he was close now, too close for Buffy's liking. _Why does he keep doing that?_

"When I spoke with her... she was so cold. But then again, she never liked me... I just thought she knew." She said truthfully. 

"Nobody knows." He whispered. Buffy saw his tongue dare out of his mouth to moisture his lips and gulped nervously. She got out of his fiery look, walked to the door and held it open. 

"Thanks for passing by." She told him with a fake smile.

"You know what, luv? This... little 'chats' we've been having lately..." he said moving his finger to point between him and Buffy. "I like them." He bent to pick up the bag and exited the room. Buffy let out a much needed sigh. _What is wrong with him?_

**

Spike walked silently to his new bedroom -which he happened to share with his mother, of all people. When he finally reached his destination he threw the bag of clothes to his bed and sighed. It had all started that night, but yet, she acted like it had all ended that night. _No, missy. You can't screw me and pretend it didn't happen..._No, because he had tried and he couldn't. How could **she** act as if it didn't happen? 

It had been her fault; she was the one who came to his room in the middle of the night. She was the one who started with the kissing, sucking, nibbling... _Stop it! _He demanded and sat in his bed heavily.

And she was the one who left him alone in his room, feeling crushed, feeling incomplete, feeling that it was just too **late** and too **wrong**. True, he had told her to get out, but didn't she know him enough? He didn't mean it... And even if he hadn't said anything, she was starting to leave before that! 

That was why he had written the letters, to tell her how he felt and to make her see that she was killing him... he let his pen dance in those sheets of paper without even bothering to read what he was writing, but he knew it was more than he wanted to say. He just wanted her to come back so he could fix all the things that had gone wrong ... But she never wrote back.

Maybe she didn't read them... or even better, maybe she didn't get them. 

"Dinner is ready." He heard Buffy said as she was walking down the stairs. _I reckon I'll just have to ask her._

**

"Ready for tonight?" a low voice coming from a seat next to her made Buffy jump in surprise. She had been working in a Geometry problem that didn't seem to be quite right and hoping she would get to finish her homework before the teacher got to the room. She turned her head to look at her friend.

"Oh, hi, Angel." She said smiling, he answered with a small smile and a nod. "Ready as I'll ever be... you know I still hate singing in public..." she felt herself shiver.

"Don't worry, Buffy, it'll only be 2 songs, we are opening for another band." He said pressing a comforting hand in her shoulder. She smiled at him. Why hadn't she ever given him a chance? Oh, yeah, she didn't feel 'ready' yet. "And Spike will be there... if he gets to learn the lyrics in 5 hours." She let her mind focus in Spike for a second... singing with him will be majorly weird. Heck, seeing him again was majorly weird. And, she had noticed, there was something really wrong about him, like something had changed drastically in those 3 years she hadn't seen him. But no, the bleached head was still there, the annoying grin was there too, the scared-eyebrow-lift was there too... and she was sure the duster would appear when the days start feeling cooler. There was nothing different about him... except maybe that now she made her feeling a little too short-he was at least 3 inches taller-... and he definitely had been working out, she could tell...

"Buffy?"

"Huh?" she found herself looking at worried chocolate eyes.

"Are you feeling ok? You zoned out there for a minute." Angel said looking at her with wonder.

She laughed nervously. "Yes, yes. I was just thinking." She looked down at her notebook full of incomplete exercises. "I don't seem to finish any of this..."

Angel reached for her notebook and their fingers touched softly, it didn't send shiver down her spine or nothing of the sort, but it sure made her blush. _Maybe I should give him a chance after all... _"Let me see..."

**

Spike played absentmindedly with his pen thinking in how he was going to ask Buffy about those stupid letters. Even if she had read them, they had been written two years ago... it didn't mean he still felt 'something' for her. 

Right, right? Wrong...

It had been easier pretend not to feel anything for her when she was living with him in London... because she was always there, and he thought she would always be there. But when he had tried to pretend after tasting how it felt to have **her...** it was impossible, especially because she was not longer there and he couldn't go to her room and talk to her until she felt asleep, like he used to do everything he felt he needed her. So what did he do? He turned to Dru... Drusilla wasn't that bad, really. She was a little crazy, sure; but who wasn't? Except that... touching her, kissing her... it never felt right anymore. He used other girls, too, trying to forget her... it never worked quite well.

"That's my chair, Blondie." He turned his head to see a gothic looking girl standing with her hands in her hips and her red colored lips pressed in an irritated expression. 

"There seems to be a lot of chairs in this classroom," he said pointing at their surroundings, "why don't you sit right here next to me and stop complaining?" he reached a chair with one hand and positioned it right next to his seat. The girl smiled a sultry smile and walked to the chair slowly careful to keep eye contact.

"I am Faith." She said finally when she got to the chair and sat with her legs crossed.

He grinned at her and stretched out his hand to take hers. "Spike."

"So nice to meet you." She purred.

**

Buffy could see Spike already seated in their table in the cafeteria from the door, she felt tempted for a minute to just turn around and leave... but then she thought that that would be just too childish of her. Really, she had to start behaving like a girl her age, not like a 12 years old...

"Hey." She said sitting across from him, he just nodded at her because he had food in his mouth. "I take it the pizza is good?" she said when she saw that he was too busy savoring his food -if you can call pizza food.

He nodded again and swallowed. "So much better than my ma's cooking."

"Agree." They looked at each other without saying anything for a couple of second, each of them lost in their own worries.

"Buff-" he started to say, he didn't think the school cafeteria was the best place to talk about those letter, but he had seen the chance... fortunately Willow interfered.

"Hi!" she said in her usual cheerful mood and took a seat next to Buffy. "Ready for tonight?" she asked to the blond girl, Buffy just shrugged. Willow smiled, accustomed to her lack of enthusiasm. 

"Oh, that reminds me... we have to have a quick rehearsal if you are going to be singing with me today, Spike." Buffy said, suddenly in a business mood. "I don't want to make a fool of myself... so you better be there and you better learn those lyrics." 

"What? Not even a day in your little group and I'm being bossed around?" he said meeting her defiant look.

"You were the one who wanted to prove to me he could sing better..." she said in a singsong tone.

"I don't have to prove anything to you! I just wanted to let you see you were singing horribly when you could do it a lot better." He finished looking at her with a serious frown.

"Do you think I can sing?" she asked, looking for a truthful response.

"Of course," he assured "I wouldn't be in the band if I thought you couldn't sing... or that the others couldn't play. You are good..." 

Buffy gave him a warm smile; he could feel his insides burn beneath his skin. Now, that was the smile he remembered. "Thank you."

"Yeah, thank you, man." Xander said as he seated in the space next to Spike. "That means so much to me coming from you." He joked in an overacted kind of tone and wiped an invisible tear from his eye. Willow slapped his arm from across the table.

"You clown."

**

And he was there, sitting in the floor of the little garage in Oz's house, reading the lyrics and singing them under his breath while the others were talking about their next performance, a week from then.

"Do you think we should start with a slow song? I think it will be better if we let the slow song until the end… " Angel said, pointing at the song schedule.

"But we need to get out with a BAM, " Xander complained. "not with a soppy girly song."

"Hey! There is nothing soppy about 'Kiss me'." Buffy complained. Her three band mates eyed her with their browns up. "ok, ok… it's a little girly…"

"And we are playing just because you made us." Xander said.

"And you know I love you for that."  she said smiling at the brunette. Xander nodded in mocked agreement and Buffy hugged him playfully.

_"And you know I love you for that"_ mocked her Spike in his mind_. "God, they have their hands all over each other…" he said eyeing Buffy as she put an arm around Xander's shoulder from the corner of his eye, _"First that Angel guy and now Xander?!"_ he snorted. _"Slut."__

"Are you finished, over there?" Buffy yelled at him, he snapped out of his thoughts and nodded as he stood up.

"I guess."

"Come on, we have to rehearse."  Spike walked to the little stage and took a microphone. _Let's see how this turns out._

***

At the end it didn't turn out that bad, and they decided to let Spike sing with them that same night. They got to the Bronze at 7, after a painfully long ride by Buffy's mother, who couldn't contend her excitement when she found out Spike was in her daughter's band. 

"That is so great!" Joyce said. "I knew it was only a matter of time before you became best friends again… I guess now everything is back to the way it used to be, right?" the two adolescents looked at each other and then turned their heads to their windows. It would never be the same, and they knew it.

The Bronze was packed; it seemed like all Sunnydale High School was there. Suddenly, Spike started to feel a little nervous; at first he had thought that this –singing in public- couldn't be that difficult, but as he reached the stage in the back of the club he couldn't help but feel… horrified.

"You don't look so good." Buffy's voice startled him.

He gulped, trying to make the knot in his throat disappear. "I am perfectly alright." He lied.

"Sure you are." Buffy said patting him in the shoulders. He sighed and turned to look at her, she seemed so short now, he had to look down at her- and he had never had to do that before. And if he wanted to kiss her he would have to bend his knees a little, and she would have to stand in her toes… not that he was going to kiss her or anything like that. Nuhhuh. "Stage fear?" she asked with a knowing smile.

"I am not afraid, luv." he said defensively. "Just… preoccupied." She nodded and patted his shoulders again.

"Sure, whatever you say." 

Before he thought about something intelligent as a response, Buffy was dragging him by the hand to the stage. "It's our turn!" she said, suddenly acting business-like.

Standing there, in front of what looked like hundreds of people, the attention didn't seem so bad. In fact, it felt good. Spike shook the nervousness away once the music started… he listened patiently to the music notes until it was his time to sing.

_When we die _

_We go into the arms of those who remember us _

_We are home now _

_Out of our heads _

_Out of our minds_

_Out of this world _

_Out of this time _

_Are you drowning or waving? _

_I just want you to save me _

_Should we try to get along? _

_Just try to get along_

Spike and Buffy's voice resounded in the walls of the club, it felt like everybody had stopped talking and were just listening to them play, the couples in the dance floor swinging at the pace of the song, mesmerized by the slow notes.  When the song ended the entire club was silent, and then the band started playing the next song, Bathwater by No Doubt, everybody seemed to wake up of a trance with the rapid song and the whole club started dancing.  

Spike looked at Buffy while she sang, hips moving to the left and to the right rhythmically, he focuses so much in her that he almost forgot that his part of the song came next. 

**

Buffy stepped down of the stage feeling lightheaded, it had been one of their best performances, she smiled when she saw Willow clapping enthusiastically in the backstage. 

"It was GREAT!" her friend yelled. "Great! Wow… you and Spike make a WONDERFUL duo! I mean it… wow, it was…" Buffy patted the redhead in the head, trying to calm her down.

"Breath, Willow, breath." She instructed. The redhead took a deep breath and smiled again at the blond. 

"You should have seen how Spike was looking at you while you singed." She whispered, her eyebrows raised in a knowingly glaze.  "I tell you, he was drooling." Buffy hit her in the shoulder and frowned.

"Don't be silly, Will." She said with a serious voice. "He was just… concentrating."

"In you" her friend added.

"I think you are seeing things." Buffy felt herself start to blush, even if she really tried not to. "We lived together for like seven years, we are like brother and sister…" her friend looked at her with a serious face. "Will… don't look at me like that." She asked, she knew that look, Willow always had that look when she was doing serious thinking.

"Buffy, I KNOW you are not telling me something." Willow said, still with a knowing look. "There was something, right? You don't act like old best friends… you act like former boyfriend and girlfriend, with the sexual tension and all." Buffy cringed at the mention of the 'sexual tension', but looked at her best friend and sighed.

"I told you I was going to tell you when I am ready…"

"And I understand that… but what could be so difficult to say that you can't tell ME, I'm your best friend." Willow said pouting, she had to admit the curiosity was killing her. "It's not like you had sex or something." They heard a snort from behind them and turned around, Spike was just entering the room.

"Uh, sorry." He said. "Private conversation?" he smirked at Buffy and crossed his arms. The blond girl gave an irritated grunt, she was sure that she was as red as a tomato now. _How long had he been there listening? That little rat!_

"I'll go wait for my mom outside." She said hurriedly and left the room.

Willow faced Spike with an angry expression. "You were listening to our conversation?!"

"Is not my fault, I was coming here and you happened to be talking very loud…" he said smirking and leaned against the wall opposite to were Willow was standing.

"So you heard what we were saying?" she asked.

"No, not really…" he said shaking his head.

"Don't lie." She said getting closer to him. "I heard you snort when I said 'It's not like you had sex or something.'" He looked away from her, feeling a little trapped now.

"I didn't hear you. I just happened to snort at the same time you finish saying that…"

"Liar." She said, now she was face to face with him. "You had sex with her, didn't you?" she said accusatively.

"Of course not!" he said, still not looking at her.

"Oh my God… you did! You took advantage of my best friend!" she yelled.

"SHE was the one who came to ME!" he explained… and then realized his mistake. Willow was looking at him with surprise in her eyes, her mouth hanging open.

"Oh. My. God."

"Uh oh."

***

"Buffy Anne Summers!" Willow approached her friend, who was standing in the sidewalk looking at the cars that passed by. "Tell me it's not true!" The read head faced her friend with a huge grin. Buffy immediately understood what her friend meant and cursed under her breath.

"I'm going to kill him! He told you?!" she asked angrily.

"So it **is** true?" she asked again, excitement in her face.

"…Yes" she said avoiding Willow's stare.

"When?" she asked enthusiastically, "when did you… you know?" Buffy walked to the edge of the sidewalk and sat heavily, Willow followed.

"It was the last night I spent in England."

"How romantic… wait a minute, you were 16 years old!" Willow said, Buffy looked at her and sighed, she didn't want to talk about it… but she knew that Willow wouldn't let her alone until she told her everything she wanted to know.  It wouldn't be easy, she knew, to survive the interrogatory but maybe… maybe it would help her see things from another perspective… maybe.

"I know, Wills." 

"I can't believe my ears!" said Willow, still showing her excitement, but then she grew serious. "Did you even use protection?" Buffy felt her cheeks get warmer. That is Willow for you, always picking up the little details…

"Eh, no." Willow slapped her in the arm and gave her a grave look. "Ow!"

"That's for being dumb. Do you have any idea how dangerous that was?" 

"Believe me, I KNOW, I had two years to think about it." Neither of them said a word for a few minutes; Willow looked pensive and Buffy hoped she was done with the questions, after all Spike was still nearby, what if he heard them talking?… again?

"This is so weird," Willow said finally, crushing all of Buffy's hopes of a silent evening. "now I am the only virgin in the gang; 'cause I KNOW Xander is not… I mean, you know Anya…" Buffy rolled her eyes, the last thing she wanted was to start talking about virginity… or Xander and Anys's sexual life.

"Is this going somewhere?" she asked looking bored with the subject.

"Yes, yes. I am your best friend! I have rights you know…" The red head said pouting.

"What kind of rights?" Buffy asked feeling confused by the other girl's babbling.

"Well… there is the right to know every little detail of what happened." Buffy made an 'ew' face.

"That's kinda messed up, Wills." 

"I don't mean EVERYTHING, it's not like I want to know the size of his—"

"Willow, shut up!" Buffy interrupted before she could finish, she sure didn't wanted a mental image… and it wasn't like she had seen 'it', it was dark, after all…

"Shutting up…" Another silence followed. The blond looked at the passing cars and tried to ignore the memories that were flowing to her brain… it was mostly about that night; but she remembered also some of the good old days and once again she wondered why did it have to change. Why couldn't everything stay as simple as it had been the first years of her life in England? She sighed.

"Ok, Will, I'll tell you everything you want to know." Her friend gave a yelp and clapped her hands in approval. "But not here in the middle of the street while I'm waiting for my mom to come and pick me and my former best friend/sexual partner up."

"Ok, ok." Willow said nodding. "I'll go to your house tomorrow." 

"You do realize Spike happens to live next to my room?" 

"Yep."

"Just checking." 

************ That was the end of Chapter 3!

Hello people! Sorry about the… 4 (?) months it took me to finish this chapter, but I finally have my own computer, the next chapter wont take too long, I hope!

Review! And thanks for all your wonderful comments!


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